Gecko-O-Meter: 7 Geckos (I debated between 6 and 7, really)
We open with lots-o-flashbacks to a variety of episodes. Interesting! Is this one going to extend all of these stories?
But then lickety-split, we’re off to an Elvis concert, which I am sure has not happened in a previous episode. And who is in the audience? Max and Jerry! Except I didn’t recognize Jerry right away. Don’t laugh, but at first I thought that was Kamekona. I’m not good at recognizing people, even in RL. This is a good Elvis tribute artist (ETA), except that he dies onstage. That part kind of sucks. Especially for him.
We leave poor dead Elvis to find Steve waiting at the airport to collect Lou. (I would like to find Steve at the airport. I would go to the airport to find Steve.) It really was nice to see his concern about Lou’s case. 🙂 As they drive away, Lou shares that he didn’t have much luck investigating in Chicago, but he did bring back souvenirs. A Cubs hat? No. A sample of Lake Michigan water? No. A selfie he took at Navy Pier? No. He brought 6 deep dish pizzas from Malnati’s in his luggage! (I actually had Malnati’s pizza once. It’s good, although I’m not a deep dish fan usually.)
The big question is, though, did he order it with extra bullets? 🙂
Back to Elvis. Okay, his name is really—well, was really—Lane Collins.
Lou: The King is dead. Again.
Eye-roll-type looks from Max and Steve.
Lou: C’mon, man, somebody had to say it.
It seems he was poisoned shortly before he went on stage. It wasn’t the Advil spilled all over the table (which Max claims is an allergy medicine), it was cyanide in the bottle of Old Hartigan bourbon.* The murderer cleverly injected the poison through the cork and then sealed the bottle back up.
*A two-minute search with Google revealed no evidence of any real Hartigan Bourbon. The closest I found was an article about Jim Beam written by Matt Hartigan and a blog about liquor called hartigancellars.com. Otherwise, I would have been drinking non-poisoned Hartigan while writing this. But alas, I had to settle for a Longboard.
Time to interview the Elvises! What? Jerry says the plural of “Elvis” is “Elvii”? Jerry also says the stones on Lane’s costume were the wrong colors. Hmmm…While we consider this, we need to have a short tribute to the Elvii, the fans, and those great lines. ‘Cause fans who are obsessed and know every detail and devote excessive amounts of their time and energy to pop culture are just funny, right? ←This does not describe anyone we know.
Just give me one of them badges, and I can crack the case.
I still got my share of sideburn chasers.
Like, why does Elvis even have to be a man?
I stopped by to wish him good luck and offer him a peanut butter and banana sandwich.
The interviews reveal that Lane was the lead singer of a band up until a few months ago. Some of the band members were quite upset at the break-up. Possible motive? The team takes a short break to read my blog on their heavy-duty computer, and then they split up to investigate some more.
Steve and Lou talk with Kaleo, one of the former band members who now sings “Two Tickets to Paradise” in what looks like a hotel bar. He has recently discovered that it’s a bad idea to tweet things like #ChokeOnPukeAndDie when you’re drunk. At least, when they object of your affections ends up dead a short time later.
But wait! As soon as Kaleo hears that someone gave Lane a bottle of cyanide-laced Hartigan, he knows who the culprit is!
Steve shows off his DJ skills while interrogating the crazy woman who killed Lane. She thought a line from one of Lane’s song was “Playing love songs for strangers and drinking Hartigan,” BUT it was actually “…breaking hearts again.” Uh-oh! Time for her to confess that she poisoned him so he would be forever remembered as a music legend rather than as an ETA.
They think the case is solved, but wait! There’s more! Danny stopped at the costume shop to pick up a few feather boas while his are at the dry cleaners, and he discovered the costume maker dead! Was Jerry onto something?
While Steve pauses to wonder about the feather boas, someone is breaking into the Medical Examiner’s office to steal Lane’s body! Are they crazy fans who think he’s really Elvis?
Steve and Lou arrive at the ME’s office in Danny’s car. I haven’t yet figured out why. Was Steve’s truck filled with feather boas? Regardless, they soon find Lane’s body, without his Elvis costume but with a diamond! Oh, so that’s it! The costume was also a hiding place for diamonds!!
They find that the diamonds came from the heist committed by Radomir Ivanovich, back in that episode where Steve, Danny, and Mr. Pickles shared an apartment. And I still have a great weakness for men with great shoulders.
Let’s go talk to the fence from that heist, one Barry Burns. He’s on house arrest, and what a house it is!
And as far as we know, those pizzas are still in Lou’s suitcase. Maybe that’s why Steve doesn’t want to drive his truck right now?
Meanwhile, Kono and Chin Ho solve the mystery of where the diamonds were stashed ever since the Mr. Pickles episode. They were in a locker in the wine cellar of a liquor store. HPD apparently hasn’t made any headway, but the Five-0 team solves it in under an hour. That’s my team!!!
The team discusses the case while Chin wonders what’s for lunch. He smells the pizzas!
Radomir’s brother, Adrian, was seen at the wine-locker-turned-diamond-stashing-hideout. Hmmmm, we know he didn’t find the diamonds because someone already took them and had them affixed to an Elvis costume. Who else knew about the heist and could have hired a team of professionals to raid the wine locker and smuggle diamonds to the mainland? Barry Burns!!
Back to Barry’s house! But someone—either Adrian Ivanovich or an art critic—has already been here.
Steve is still wondering about the feather boas.
Just look at poor Barry! He was imprisoned in the hot tub.
I said look at BARRY. Not at the other scenery.
Back to the Elvis hotel to track down Adrian and The Diamonds. I know that sounds like a good name for a band, but in this case the hotel is busy with Elvii right now. I love how 57 gazillion cop cars arrive and these people in Kevlar vests carrying huge guns traipse through the lobby, but no one pays any attention. But this is crime-riddled Hawaii, where street shootouts occur daily, so I guess they are used to it.
Jerry spots Adrian, who opens fire when he realizes he’s been caught.
Lou is scared. Or he suddenly remembered those pizzas.
Steve uses sign language to tell Lou either “I’m going around to shoot him from behind” or “I’m going to the gift shop to buy a Woman’s Day magazine.”
After shooting him from behind (there’s your answer!), Steve demonstrates his tap-dancing skills.
The crew happily walks away from a well-solved crime.
Jerry invited everyone to the Rum Fire for an Elvii get-together. I do always enjoy these Ohana times. I am adding this venue to places we must visit when we go to Hawaii, Amber and Alice. Just FYI.
Jerry gives a terrific Elvis performance dedicated to Lane.
Meanwhile, while driving to the Rum Fire, Chin gets a call from brother-in-law Gabriel! Chin thought he spotted him earlier. Gabriel wants Chin’s help to get off of the island, and he’s sure Chin will help because of some information he has. He promises to leave a clue at Chin’s house! That calls for a quick U-turn, and when Chin arrives home HPD is there. All Gabriel left was an enveloping containing pictures of Adam and someone I don’t recognize. What’s going on?
That’s it for this week! Thanks for reading and keeping in touch with me even though I’ve been too busy to post much recently. I have seven more weeks of school, and if I survive (and I’m honestly not sure at this point), I will be back to blogging regularly soon!! Aloha!