#H50 Recap 6×1: Mai Ho’oni I Ka Wai Lana Malie (Do Not Disturb the Water that is Tranquil)

Ahoy, my pretties, and welcome to season 6! Our Ohana is back!

I give this first episode 6 geckos. Maybe I’ve been spoiled by super-action-packed and bigger-than-life premier episodes before now, because this one just seemed a little flat. Lots of standing around and talking. But it’s still my H50 and there’s still lots to love! Some great lines, Kono being kick-ass Kono, nice smiles, men in tuxes, and a scary cliffhanger. And Pirates!!! Pirates! Pirates!!! Not zombies, but perhaps a Tongan or two.

(Editor’s note: I had some technical problems this week, so some of the screencaps aren’t quite the quality I would have liked, but they’ll do. All fixed now, so next week should be better! And BTW, you are welcome to share these other places if you want.  If you want a larger size, like for computer wallpaper, or a specific scene, just ask.)

We start off with proof that Honolulu was just as dangerous in 1884 as it is now. One pirate in the back row is especially enthusiastic.

Excellent pointy hat, bro. What do you do with that?

King Kalakaua! I want Steve to wear ‘burns like that.

Pirate Dude: Ah, me lady, what is that delightful fragrance?
Brave Lady with Huge Necklace: It’s called a bath. You should try it sometime.
I love this lady! I wonder if she moves to Jersey and becomes Danny’s great-great-great grandmother?

The pirates proceed to plunder and pillage–as pirates are wont to do–and amass a large pile of treasure. At least, that’s according to the speaker on a video tape, who appears as we transition to the present day. The tape gets ejected and taken by a mysterious person wearing gloves, and then we see an unfortunate man who has been shot dead, right on his couch! A victim!

Now, on we go to happier times! Kono and Adam’s wedding reception, to be exact! Mr. and Mrs. Noshimuri walk in, lovely and delightful and happy.

After they begin their first dance, the Five-0 guys discuss Chin Ho’s encounter with Gabriel in the parking lot. Remember, he threatened Chin with a gun and offered him a bribe.

Steve’s eyes are wonderful in this scene, so I shall pause to gaze at them for a moment………..Okay, now back to the story. Steve says Gabriel was sending them a warning message, since he knew they were all at the wedding.

Catherine tells them to lighten up, so Lou decides to get his dance on. Lou is great! He looks for his wife by hollering Mrs. Grover! 🙂
Catherine: What about you, sailor? You still got it?
Steve: Yeah, I still got it. You still got it? Let’s go, hotshot. <–Every time I watch this I want Steve to say I still got it. Do you want it? 
Chin: You kids go have fun. I’ll catch up with you. 😛 Kids!

I adore this smile!

Max is having a great time!

How much did I love seeing Steve and Danny dancing together?????


Steve and Cath the next morning. It was an epic party. 😀  He’s still got it. Although he is still dressed, so I’m not sure he has shared it yet. 😉

Sleepy Steve is Sexy Steve.

Ah, someone found the couch victim, who is (or was) in reality Keanu Carson, a writer.

Meanwhile, at the honeymoon haven known as the Noshimuri home, Adam has made breakfast. Kono comments that she didn’t know he could do that, as he’s always had help. Adam says that’s about to change. My friend Alice has started writing his resumé for him, since he will now be looking for a job:

Crime Syndicate Manager — Assisted syndicate CEO with various tasks, held face-to-gun meetings with colleagues worldwide, perfected crime boss scowl. Well-versed in unique persuasive techniques.

Alice thinks he could manage a shrimp truck for Kamekona.

Ding-dong. Someone is calling on the newlyweds the morning after their wedding? Egads, it’s Gabriel!!!

He tasers them both and shuts the door.

At HQ, Chin explains that he’s asked Jerry to help them out while Kono is on her honeymoon. Yes, Jerry is a perfect substitute for Kono.

Jerry points out that the video tape is Beta, not VHS.
Jerry: For some reason, the format never caught with the public. 
Danny: Is that a conspiracy,too?
Jerry: No, just a basic format war. Not everything’s a conspiracy, dude. 

Washburn was the pirate on the video, which is an interview with noted history professor Dr. Exley. Chin shares an old legend about a midnight pirate raid on Oahu that resulted in millions of dollars worth of treasure! Or millions of something, since Hawaiians didn’t use dollars back then. Or did they? Regardless, guess what!? Most of the treasure wasn’t recovered. But we can’t ask Exley because he disappeared shortly after doing the interviews.

The Boys in Blue! And how many plaid shirts does Jerry own?

Car time! Danny wants to talk about feelings and stuff. Steve is thrilled.

But then Steve casually mentions that he’s going to ask Catherine to marry him!!!!! Danny is honestly thrilled about this!

He’s so delighted he pokes Steve in the tummy! How adorable is that????

Things are not going so well at the Noshimuri home. Gabriel wants the money that Adam is going to give to the Yakuza to buy his freedom.  I think The Claw might be needed.

Awwww, Steve is practicing wearing a wedding ring!

Some shady goings-on are happening at the museum. A painting that is possibly related to pirates has been stolen! Well, someone might be trying to steal it, but right now the potential thief is holding a hostage.

But no one is inside the museum! Danny wants to know if he can punch the shark in the nose as long as they’re there.

Back at HQ, the boys discuss a new boutique in town that sells blue shirts exclusively.   Steve is annoyed that everyone is copying his style.

Speaking of style, they wore some freakin’ spectacular hats in the 19th century!

Jerry has been hard at work, and he’s discovered that the stolen painting might be a treasure map! He compared it with this photo that was taken in the Palace, and a new hole in the canvas might actually be the spot for buried treasure! Steve and Danny think there are holes in this theory.

Oh, and they discover that the “hostage” was actually Cindy Patterson, a known criminal who conspired with the art thief! Lou wants to know why the thief would steal the painting when he could have just taken a picture of it. (Did anyone else chuckle when Jerry said Ergo? S1 humor!)

Jerry: Your ignorance is adorable. You’re thinking of these perps as thieves. They’re not thieves! They steal boats and chase treasure. They’re pirates! And pirates pillage as they go. It’s what they do–take it all, leave nothing  behind. That’s their mantra!! 

This is very similar to my shenanigans when I enter a See’s Candy shop.

The team heads out on a treasure hunt in the Waimano Valley. Steve was probably in heaven, because he gets to trek through the jungle wielding a machete and hacking to his heart’s content.

But Danny is just so filled with excitement!
Danny: Steve has something that he would like to share with everybody–with the group.
Chin: I hope it’s bug spray.

Nope. And Steve doesn’t get to share. Danny tells everyone that Steve is getting married!

Steve says he’ll propose soon, but first he has to get a ring and find a location. (For the proposal, I guess? At first I thought he meant a location for the wedding, but that’s getting a little ahead! But then again, the location probably has to accommodate gun turrets, so it might take awhile to find something.)

Danny: I asked Rachel to marry me with a soda can ring.  
Lou: And we all know how well that worked out. 

They discover a cave! A pirate-y kind of cave! DesiSmileys.com

Steve takes a break while Max examines the bones of Dr. Exley that they found in the cave.

The first pirate treasure hunt conspiracy theory bites the dust. Dr. Exley wasn’t murdered–by other treasure hunters or anyone else. He fell and hit his head. And there’s no treasure, or any sign of treasure or peg legs or other pirate things.

Steve arrives back in his office to find Jerry cozily ensconced, complete with pizza and mustard. Jerry discovered that Cindy Patterson is a descendant of Washburn! She is tracking the same treasure! The coconut doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Gabriel is still at Adam and Kono’s house, and he invited a scary-looking guy in a mask. Not good. (And this sort of thing really creeps me out.) So, Adam, it isn’t much fun to be duct-taped up, is it??

While Gabriel takes Adam to the bank (and I’m sure they were not laughing all the way), Kono takes care of the mask guy with his own scalpel. Bad-ass Kono saves the day again!

She rushes to stop Adam and Gabriel. That is one powerful car! I think she should drive it all the time. Put a siren on that baby and WOW!

I wonder what the bank patrons thought when this crazy woman with a small bloodstain on her shirt walked into the bank? She didn’t arrive in time to prevent the money transfer, and in the process Adam was shot. 😦

Steve and Chin recovered the stolen painting, and Jerry has discovered clues to the real treasure!

By drawing lines to connect notches on the frame, he finds that X marks the spot!

And in the X location is a really cute house with a pointy roof.

Cindy Patterson and her art-thief accomplice have made a huge mess! They are going to need one of those industrial-sized vacuum cleaners.

Cindy shoots at them through the floor, but Steve is prepared. He’s got a grenade!  It’s a smoke grenade, not a huge-explosion-type grenade. He reserves those for blowing up pawn shops.

She’s a fighter. A pirate-type fighter. Except with a jackhammer (at least, I think that’s what she’s using).

And finally, a treasure chest!!!!

Huge disappointment! DesiSmileys.com The bounty is just some not-gold candlesticks and utensils. Not one doubloon. Jerry reports that these same items were stolen from the Palace by Washburn in the 40s. And by the way, he wasn’t really a pirate and wasn’t as old as he claimed. Seems he made up the whole thing!!!

At last, Kono calls to tell them the story of her day. She’s at the hospital, waiting while Adan undergoes surgery. What do you think will happen? Will he make it? They won’t kill off another spouse, will they? And what about the money that was going to the Yakuza?

And here ends our pirate tale for the week. But remember these wise words:
Drinking rum before 10 AM makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. 
And if you pour it into your coffee, your coworkers won’t know.


2 thoughts on “#H50 Recap 6×1: Mai Ho’oni I Ka Wai Lana Malie (Do Not Disturb the Water that is Tranquil)

  1. Fabulously funny! I think I laughed more now then when I watched the episode! Loved that you added a Women’s Day sighting, classic!!

    Can’t wait to see how everything unfolds. 🙂

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